It begins here
In light of the catastrophic events unfolding in our very country South Africa, this piece is written as a
weapon, a tool to fight against the ongoing struggle which is gender based violence. We are living in perilous times, constantly fighting the dangers of the day which for many us is the novel corona-virus. Although this great danger (the corona-virus) has befallen us, the women and children of our beloved nation face an even greater danger posed by the very people they once called brother, uncle, husband, nephew, boyfriend, grandfather, classmate and even friend.
If the cycle is to end, it begins with you and us, playing our part together. Start the conversation.
An introspection
As young boys, our masculinity superficially defined, was believed to the only thing that stood between the females around us and any form of danger they could face. It was said, 'a man should protect his own and he needs to step up to that responsibility'.
For many of us, including myself, masculinity defined by what society engraved as ideal, was and is exclusive. If a boy did not sound a certain way, act a certain way or look a certain way, disqualifying him as ideal was made the more simple. Names such as sissy and effeminate were often thrown at his direction encouraging the notion of the need to perform manhood. A later divergent of this view, I too found myself reliant on this notion to give me an identity as a man. Not just any man, but an ideal one. Phrases in the lines of 'affirm your authority', 'be aggressive and be man', 'fight and stand your ground' were the fundamental building blocks of the art of performing manhood.
A heavy fabric in our mental development as boys (subject matter), exposure through TV enabled our young minds to create a world view which consequentially proved to be a shallow one. Femininity, per this shallow view, was defined as simply put a damsel in distress. Helpless, weak and in desperate need of an Alpha male to rescue her. In succession, this view settled and consequentially morphed an idea that objectified women as an 'entitlement' for he who believed himself to be a man. In this belief female was merely a category in which every women and young lady had to fit into. There wasn't personality or differentiation of any sort, therefore the tactic one would use to attain a certain women or young lady as a partner, could be reused for all within this poorly defined category called female.
It is unlucky and saddening that many young boys are groomed to believe the proposed ideology of masculinity, based on machismo and virility, to be true. This belief, encouraging performance of manhood from a tender age, overlooked the various wonderful traits of young ladies and instead focused on their physical differences. They were seemingly smaller, weaker and fragile which consequentially meant they couldn't handle themselves if danger was posed. How wrong. It is even sadder to note, some of the most brutal acts of insanity towards women and children came from an initial goodwill, protectiveness as an example.
Drawing the line
'If you want to change the world, start with yourself ' - Mahatma Gandhi
As youngsters, we were made aware of the difficulties that young girls had to face by their numerous complains. At the time, these complains were an annoyance seeing that as a boys, we simply wanted to goof around and not listen.
'We don't get to play outside like you do', 'we can't go visit our friends at will', to which a response in the lines of 'well you shouldn't have been a girl' would have been given. The essence of the phrase 'well you shouldn't have been a girl' is the single most damning truth about the sad reality of being a women or young lady in our nation and even the world.
There is still a long way to go in combating gender based violence, but each of us could help in reaching that milestone simply through starting the conversation. Women and children are people too and whatever we do not strive to change today will haunt us tomorrow. Your silence is violence and simply giving a blind eye is equally brutal. This is not a call to look down upon women as being weak members of society, but rather victims of injustice. It is a call to stand to support your sisters, aunts, nieces, mothers, daughters, wives, grandmothers, girlfriends, classmates and even friends.
Let your protest be heard, even if it is through words.
This is what we need.😤
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